Day 7 – I Am Inspired To Be Brave
I’m happy to report that the calm and happiness that showed up yesterday is still here! When I feel this good after feeling bad it’s easy to be a little nervous that the good feelings are fleeting – but like I keep saying (mostly to myself), if they leave they will return. Trust that.
One of the best things that happened yesterday is I got a flood of emails about my recent posts. The overall theme? That I am brave.
This is funny to me because I had several reasons for doing this blog, being brave wasn’t one of them. I like it, don’t get me wrong – brave is a good thing.
Being brave and fearless just don’t come to mind when I think of myself. I mean I’m scared of carbs for crying out loud.
I am scared of all sorts of ridiculous stuff, like missing a workout. I get scared and freaked out that if I don’t adhere to my schedule rigidly, I’ll lose all the progress I’ve made. Food in general has come to scare me. I used to have a healthier relationship with food – I ate well the vast majority of the time having learned so much about whole foods, high quality (free range, grass fed,wild caught, etc.) proteins, and organic vegetables from being in naturopathic medicine, but I indulged and had a ate what I wanted when I was out with my friends without fear. But as I got more and more entrenched in the fitness world these past few years, my relationship with food has gotten a little warped.
As I tried to live up to the ideal: the fitness model, I forgot much of what I knew about a healthy diet and focused solely on what would drop me the most fat the quickest. Which is fine, so long as you don’t get lost in it – which is very, very easy to do. I became so nervous about eating anything of my super clean plan that when it came time to have a cheat meal or a special dinner out I was scared. Scared of the glass of wine. Scared of the oil my fish was cooked in (And what’s that in the sauce? Tastes sweet, its probalby sugar. Yikes.) Scared of the puffiness I’d see in my face the next morning. Scared that if I reached down and felt the tops of my thighs that I’d feel fat there where my hip bends.
I’m not sure when I stopped being scared and started being brave, but I did. And here I am writing this deranged, albeit inspiring blog.
Being brave is something I’ve aspired to, I just didn’t know I’d arrived there.
About 8 years ago I had to stand up in front of a room of people and sell them on who I wanted to become. I was supposed to give up my “not good enough” act and create a new way being in the world. I declared that I wanted to be “courage, love and inspiration”. Perhaps it was because my voice sounds like a seven year old, but they weren’t buying it. I said it louder. The still weren’t buying it. They weren’t buying it because I wasn’t selling it. I couldn’t sell it because I didn’t believe it.
I believed I was loving – I trusted that if you ask most people in my they’d agree. I was midway through school at this point so I was already seeing patients in the clinic and I believed I could be inspiring. I was also working with clients for weight loss and nutrition at a gym, and I’d been told I was inspiring there. Ok, so far so good. But courage? Nope, I wasn’t that.
They made me say it until they believed it. Truthfully, I think they let me off the hook after a few times, because even if they believed me, I didn’t.
Somehow though, I nailed it…finally. Often we are trying so hard to lose weight, get the promotion, find the perfect relationship or the perfect apartment – to do all the things we aspire to that we fail to see how much we’ve already accomplished. If we can’t see it, we can’t enjoy it.
We deserve accolades for winning the big prize at the finish line, but we deserve to celebrate along the way – even if we haven’t nailed it yet. And you may be closer to the finish line than you think. I will bet that you are closer to your aspirations, hopes and desires than you realize. Take a look, what do you see? Good stuff? Enjoy your progress.
It’s a brave new world I’m living in – and I didn’t’ even know I was here. Where are you?