Posts filed under ‘Inspiration X 20 Days’
Day 20 – I Am Inspired To Get Out Of My Own Way
Here we are, after 20 days of dredging up nasty feelings and trying to transform them into something more kind, something more useful. So how are we feeling?
I am feeling good. I am excited for 2011 and I feel I’ve wrestled a few of my demons. I feel more than ready to get back into lifting – yoga, I like ya but you’re not enough for me! I am however in less pain everyday – neck, back and hip are holding steady – so it was worth it.
Hum, what else have a learned? A lot actually…
This project taught me that most of us women are too damn hard on ourselves. We set a ridiculous standard and beat ourselves up for not achieving it. I love striving for very lofty goals, so I’m probably not going to stop that…but I am going to approach it differently from now on. I can still give it my all and aim high but if I fall short I don’t have to make that mean I’m terrible or go to my default: I’m not good enough.
If I get to 20% body fat when I wanted 18%, I can be bummed that I missed the goal but I can be stoked about how great 20% is and proud of all the work I did to achieve it. Instead of beating myself up for failing, I can use what I learned from getting to 20% and with love and kindness (not hate, disappointment and upset) to keep on truckin’ to 18….or wherever, so long as I feel good.
I can also know that I can love myself at 18%, 20% or even 40%. I can want and work towards a better body but hating my current body is always optional, detrimental….and I shouldn’t do it. Wanting a tauter tummy or slimmer thighs is fine, feeling like we have to be miserable until we get them is not fine – and in fact it keeps us from the tummy and thighs we are working so hard for.
I have learned that all my insecurities that have scared me and stopped me from being vulnerable in the past are still there, but they are not so scary anymore. I’ve shared and been open and I feel more in control of my “issues” than ever before. My heart can still sink with bad feelings from time to time, like when I think “Brooke, how could you have possibly even considered taking a month off the gym? You’re getting all squishy!” I get these nasty thoughts and my mind starts to spin. This is where the beating up starts, but lately it’s only been for a couple seconds before I can rein it in. I can turn those thoughts into something positive and something that helps me feel good. Thoughts that move me forward to where I want to be instead of the type that kick me back down.
I have also learned that we are all more loved, supported and revered than we realize. When we feel badly about ourselves or our bodies, we discount compliments from our partners. When they say, “You’re beautiful”, we roll our eyes. We can’t see support coming to us from all over the place. We miss it because I mean really, who could could possibly love this mess I call me? We don’t always share what’s going on in our lives because we assume no one will care – and we really don’t share the bad stuff, cuz lets face it: that’s best kept under tight wraps! There’s nothing more exciting than to know that this blog projects has been called brave and inspiring from everyone to my patients, friends from high school that I haven’t seen in 15 years, to my best friend’s dad. And this project has connected me even more to the support I already knew I had, like Taryn, my brother, Joe and his mom, Laura.
So what do we do with all that? It’s hardly a project complete, even if I’m not writing daily about my body image woes – some of this “stuff” will be with me for years to come. But with what I’ve learned and the perspective I’ve chosen to take, I feel inspired to go forward in a healthier, more productive way. I’m done punishing myself with dieting and hours at the gym. I am done stopping myself. I am done getting in my own way.
Today, I vow to feel good about what I put into my body and what I do with my body from now on. (And I forgive myself in advance if I screw that up and be mean in my head. “Hey Brooke, sorry about that. It was hurtful, and I didn’t mean it. You’re awesome. Now please feel good again.”)
While this may be my last daily blog for awhile, I’m not disappearing. Here’s a couple of ways we can stay connected:
*I will be continuing to share my journey on this blog (as well as all my other articles). Subscribe to the blog and receive an email every time I post.
*I will still be doing weekly emails for those of you wanting fat loss tips, support and inspiration as well as more general natural health newsletters. Sign up at my fabulous new website!
*I’ve loved the sense of connection to much through this project and I will be continuing in that vein come 2011 via my Facebook page. Be sure to “like” it and get ready to hit the ground running in New Year and we create our best bodies yet! We’ve been grateful and inspired, now January means it’s time to create!
Thanks everyone for reading and for the outpouring of support and gratitude! Happy Holidays!!
Day 19 – I Am Inspired To Leggo My Ego
Or rather, my ego needs to leggo me.
Our ego: the set of beliefs we have about ourselves that keep us in the role or position in life that we can handle. When we contradict those beliefs we feel unsure and even unsafe. Our ego quickly pulls us back in to the role we play: the not good enough one, the bad one, the overweight one, and so on. It holds us to a definition of ourselves that keeps us feeling just a little bit bad about this or that – never fully feeling safe to just feel completely good about ourselves. It keeps us always thinking we need to be a little bit better, a little bit smarter or a little bit thinner.
It beats us up. It’s our internal judge. And no one on this planet will judge you harsher than your own ego. Whether your ego tells you you’re wrong, bad, fat, lazy, stupid, unlovable or unattractive; it does all these things to keep us in our place. A place we may not be happy in, but we seem stuck there.
The truth is we are dying to break free from this place but our easily threatened ego quickly stifles our attempts to be more than we currently are and to be happy. Wondering what your ego thinks about you? Whatever we tell ourselves in a moment of failure, that’s our ego talking. I blew it because, “I’m blah blah blah”. Or in those moments when we feel inspired to take a brave step and then think “Oh no, I can’t do that. What would people think?” or “I am not _____ enough to do that”. And boom, you’re knocked right back down where your ego thinks you belong. Youv’e been put back in the role you know how to handle, where you’re comfy.
Think about this: if your ego thinks you are overweight, flabby and unattractive, how can you ever be fit, lean and beautiful. If your ego keeps you in the role of unhappy, how can you ever actually BE happy? Two things can’t exist simultaneously – the door can’t be both open and shut at the same time. We must choose. Our ego will always pick the familiar role – the one we may be trying hard to outgrow – and just like that the spark to be better gets squelched. Extinguished. Stamped out.
Well if we really want to be happy and in our perfect, healthy body we need to let it go. It’s not going to go quietly though and I’m not sure it will ever go completely – but you can get it to loosen its grip on you.
For 2011, the role I want to break free from is the “perfect one”. I am embracing that my best is enough, I don’t need to be perfect, I just need to do my best and be kind to myself in the process. My best one week may be 4 workouts instead of 6 because I’m sick or tired or just need another recovery day. My best will be doing those 4 workouts well and not obsessing over the time at the gym that I missed. My thoughts about food will be of nourishment and health, not on what I can’t have because I need to be on a diet.
2011 is just around the corner: what roles would you like to redefine or break free from this year? Where is your ego holding you back, keeping you from doing what you love or loving yourself completely? What do you want to think or feel about yourself when you look back at 2011 from next December? I know that I want to have a less harsh judgement of myself and redefine what it means for me to like my body, hips and all. Come December 2011, I want to know I’ve kicked my sweet little ego’s butt.
Day 18 – I Am Inspired To Be Bold
“Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.” ~ van Goethe
I was not particularly schooled in van Goethe’s work or philosophy, but the greeting card with these words spoke to me so I bought it, framed it and set it on my desk. I have also never particularly thought of myself as bold, but I realize I haven’t been paying much attention to who I really am. And it turns out I am quite bold.
I think for so many years my focus has been what’s wrong with me, what I need to fix, what others must dislike about me. Even in my most shining moments, there was still a nagging doubt in my mind about my worth.
Boldness is something I’ve admired in other people – those people that have the courage and stamina to really do amazing things and the belief in that they can make it. The people that see what they want and don’t stop to doubt, they just do. Even if they have questions or concerns, they go for it; trusting in themselves that they’ll figure it out.
I’ve always thought women who were bold were beautiful…no matter what they looked like. Boldness seems to create an air of beauty regardless of their haircut or body fat percentage. When I met a woman that embodied this quality, I always wanted to be more like her. But being bold means knowing you’ve got what it takes to make big things happen – trusting that when you take that step, you’ll land on your feet. How could someone who wonders if she’s good enough take that kind of risk?
When I look back at my life since my early twenties, turns out whether I thougtht I could or not, that’s exactly how I’ve been living my life. Turns out I’ve been a bold, daring woman all along. Why couldn’t I see it? My doubt was clouding the reality of who I actually was. I’m not saying that everything I’ve ever done has been a success, but I have been bold. I’ve been a woman I would admire…and I’m glad I can finally see her.
With about $2000 to my name, a brand new relationship and a whole lot of fear I left my comfortable life in Seattle and moved to Manhattan. I was scared that I wouldn’t find new patients to fill my practice – no one had any idea what the hell a “naturopathic doctor” was. “Oh you mean like a massage therapist?” No not really. “Well at least you didn’t have to go to school for that.” Actually I went for a really long time, not unlike other doctors you may know.
I was wondering how we’d pay rent and buy food – NYC is not a cheap place to move to. I felt nervous how I’d possibly fit in with the people here – I’d seen Sex and the City after all and was pretty sure I couldn’t manage running around in couture and 3 inch heels every day. But I did it anyway. I was bold.
Since I’ve been here I’ve had my moments where my fear got the best of me and I shied away from opportunities, but for the most part I’ve seized them. In just the last week I’ve had talks of a new book, talks of a TV show and booked 2 spots on radio for January. Wanna know the best part? I am starting to feel less like this all was all luck and realizing that I’ve been bold and taken a lot of action. I am starting to realize that I may be more than I thought I was – despite what I feel like on my worst days.
We spend so much time and energy on the things we aren’t happy about, the things we want to change about ourselves, that we fail to see ourselves clearly. In the struggle to be perfect and finally rid ourselves of theoe nasty flaws, sometimes we miss who we already are.
So do something bold today: be honest with yourself about who you really are. It’s not all bad is it? In fact, some of it is very admirable. I’ve realized lately that we are often closer to the person we’re trying to become than we think and when we stop thinking we can’t be happy until we get there, we miss out on life and on ourselves.
Day 17 – I Am Inspired To Pay Attention!
When we are feeling overwhelmed or down about ourselves or our bodies well, we need a little love. And sometimes we don’t know where to find it so the feeling down, alone and unsupported perpetuates. Our girlfriends are busy, our beau is out of town (if there is one) and our boss is cranky….where’s the love people??
It’s there – we just have to pay attention. Right now, look around and see all the love, support and inspiration coming to you. Seriously, look right now. Take stock of just how much you have to feel great about.
I wasn’t feeling particulary down today, just a little under the weather, but in a matter of about three minutes, here’s what I saw:
My Yogi tea bag – It says, “ Be proud of who you are.” Thanks little tea bag guru, I think I will.
Taryn and Darcy.
My marketing – Feel better, look better, be better. I am wrapping up my new website and my messaging makes me glow. I love it! I finally feel I’ve found my message, my voice and my place. I feel at home. This message was crafted with help from two of my favorite people: Taryn and Darcy. Thinking of them makes me glow a little too.
My Facebook email – Last night I got a message from one of my best friends from high school thanking me for my blogs. She told me which ones resonated with her and that she appreciated my health tips. And the sweetest part? She said she feels like she’s getting to know me all over again. Thanks Kristin!
My Facebook wall – A quick glance shows people saying thank you for inspiring them and that me just being me is the “best”. I was late to the Facebook bandwagon but I really love feeling connected to people I otherwise would feel distant from. Be it colleagues, old friends or new friends – it’s been great.
My photos – The picture on our shelf of my grandparents’ tiny homestead. Reminds me of my roots and that I’ve come a very long way!
My Grandparents' homestead in Montana.
My website testimonials tab– My new site is nearly up and I have the sweetest list of testimonials from patients I’ve helped. My perfectionist issue makes me feel as though I need to “win ‘em all” – and medicine and weight loss simply don’t work that way. It’s nice to be reminded of the difference I’ve made.
Our first NYC Christmas. Joe gave me these gloves embroidered with "Dr. Kickass".
My cell phone – I still have the very first text message Joe sent me over 5 years ago. It reminds me how lucky I am to have such a great relationship and of all that we’ve accomplished and endured together since we moved to NYC.
My book shelf – Glancing over and seeing a book I wrote sitting on the shelf next to my collection of nutrition books from my heroes…wow. I don’t give it enough credence to. 2010 – the year I published a book!
My tea cup – I’m on day 3 of no coffee….and actually, by some miracle, I’m feeling fine. Coffee and I do fine in a casual relationship, but I tend to make it serious and end up having too much and feeling like garbage. Could I be learning moderation?
My bottle of herbs for this cold I’m fighting – I am so grateful for natural medicine and that I can keep myself well in a way that I feel very confident, passionate and excited about. I am actually stimulating my own body’s capacity to fight this virus instead of simply taking a decongestant to treat a symptom.
My schedule – Up this afternoon: weekly call with my new project group – Nourishing Women. To know I’m worthy of being a part of this smart, fit, amazing group of women makes my heart swell.
My brother's first Christmas. When asked what I thought of him, apparently I said, "He's just what I wanted."
Whether you’re feeling down, overwhelemed or just because – look around at your space and your life and see all the love and support coming to you. It’s all there, just waiting to help you feel better. So pay attention!
Day 16 – I Am Inspired To Do My Best, Not My Perfect
A small, but life changing book for me was The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I’ve read it several times and pasted the agreements on my bathroom mirror. These four simple rules make life a lot easier – yet they are not always easy to follow. As a recovering perfectionist the one that comes to mind today is “Always do your best.”
Doing my best has always meant doing everything perfect. Doing any task better than everyone and preferably looking good while doing so. In school, anything less than an A was the equivalent of failing to me. If my mood were ever to deviate from happy, easy to be around, cool, fun girl then I was a lunatic. When I was too tired to prep and keep a super clean diet – or heaven forbid I needed to miss a workout – then I deserved to feel fat and unhappy. If a friend gotten busy and hadn’t called me back, it was because I’d somehow horribly offended them or otherwise did something terrible and I thus deserved to be shunned.
So it was quite a shock to me when I found out that my friends sometimes just get busy and call when they have a chance. That I can have a bad day, be cranky and my boyfriend still loves me. That I can fail and the world doesn’t end. What might be shocking to you all is that I was a grown woman in my 30s when I realized this.
Turns out I can be happy weighing a few pounds over my goal weight. It appears that the people that love me don’t leave if I miss a beat. And apparently, I can be honest about all my imperfections and I’m actually more revered and liked than before. Huh…who knew?
I was at my breaking point a few months ago – stressed and completely exhausted, my relationship hanging by a thread and feeling like I didn’t belong on the stage I’d risen to – and something had to change. I had to redefine my best. Don Miguel Ruiz describes always doing our best as: “Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.”
Well I’ll be damned…turns out my best doesn’t always have to be 110%. If I am feeling 75% because I didn’t get enough sleep or have a cold, then all I am responsible is just that 75%. Note: he also says nothing about our best being equal to being perfect. Guess my best is whatever I decide it to be – whatever I can feel good about.
I’ve never felt good unless I was doing it better than everyone. I needed to be the best, anything less just wouldn’t do. I’d beat myself up for not preparing more or doing more. I’d berate myself for falling short and end up not sleeping, crying and driving the people that love me up the wall. They didn’t understand the ridiculous amount of unnecessary pressure I put on myself – it’s not healthy and it’s hardly my best.
Some days you simply don’t have 110% to give and I’m learning that as long as I do my best, not my perfect, then I have no reason to feel bad. I do not have to be super human, do it all on no sleep, go above and for every single venture. If I honor where I’m at in that moment, rise to that moment – to that moment alone, then I can feel very good about myself. And there’s no reason to feel I came up short.
That seems like a good agreement to make with myself – and a good one to keep.
Day 15 – I Am Inspired To Tell A Few People To Take A Hike
In each of our lives, there’s at least one person we should really tell to take a flying leap. They are the dream stealers: the people who zap your confidence and take the wind right out of your sails. They are the people in our lives that knock us down when we’re riding high. They – intentionally or not – make us feel bad or keep us from doing what we need to do.
They may be an ex that we’ve kept around as a “friend” that let’s face it, the same issues we had as a couple – we have as friends. They may be a girlfriend or other friend that lets their own insecurities keep them from being supportive and encouraging. They may be the co-worker whose weight loss/body image issues keep them from saying “good for you” when you order the salad and instead say “oh come on, live a little”.
If you can shrug it off and let small minded or selfish comments slip right past you, congrats and you inspire the rest of us to be more secure. Most of though, have people in our lives that just get to us. What’s worse is some of them we really care about, but nonetheless, they aren’t good for us. If it’s as simple as spending less time with the friend that always wants to go out for drinks or dessert and you’re trying to stick to your nutrition plan, then just cut down the time with them or schedule them on a cheat meal or planned night out. Or sit at a different lunch table at work to avoid the co-worker who makes you feel guilty or uncomfortable for eating better than they do. Or it you may have to truly call it off. And breaking up is hard to do.
Some of these breakups may require an actual conversation, but often the person whose garbage is getting in our way is self absorbed enough not to notice we’ve slipped away. But either way, if there are people in your life that you’re letting sabotage your happiness, it’s time to cut the tie. It might sound harsh, but take a look and see who in your life repeatedly makes you feel embarrassed, silly, guilty, less than or somehow otherwise undermines your happiness…..sorry, but it’s Sayonara.
Make room for the people that help you soar, not pull you back down.
I feel so fortunate in my life right now to have whittled down this list of nay-sayers and confidence killers to a very slim few – and even at that, I don’t interact with them on any regular basis. Currently I feel surrounded by friends, colleagues and family that support, encourage and love me. But it wasn’t always this way…
Two people come to mind – and I’m not naming names here – that repeatedly and continuously make me feel badly about myself and trigger all my insecurities. A flip comment here or there, a subtle dig, or an outright criticism and I feel embarrassed, insecure, anxious, upset or just generally bad. To those of you that keep me from being happy I say, “I’m done”. I am not sure if it’s you or me, quite frankly it doesn’t matter, but it’s time to break up. I wish you well, but I’ve got to take care of myself and I just don’t have room for the doubt and sabotage you bring to my life.
It’s going to happen, people will be jerks (we will all be jerks from time to time too…). But if there are people in your world that are keeping you from the life, health and body you want it’s time to gently say good bye or good riddance…even if it’s only in your own head.
They say we are who we surround ourselves with – make that circle supportive, nurturing and inspiring. Who is surrounding you?
Day 14 – I Am Inspired To Stretch
It’s no coincidence that a stretch metaphor comes to mind today as I’m well into my month of daily yoga. So far, so good with the yoga -I think I can honestly say it will finally become part of my fitness routine. But stretching is about much more than a downward dog, it’s about extending yourself.
Some days our fitness goals are as simple as taking the stairs instead of the elevator or ordering a salad instead of a slice of pizza, but generally we’ve got a more elaborate plan. Many of us regularly hit a favorite spin class or are following some type of progressive strength training plan. We also have specific goals in mind: lose 20 pounds, fit into that dress, or run a 5K. These are all well and good and they keep us chipping away every day, bit by bit at something bigger for ourselves. But you know what else you need? A goal that stretches you.
If you’ve run a 5K, up the ante and run a half marathon. If you regularly sweat away at spin class, get on a real bike and learn to ride the road. If you shy away from free weights, sticking to the machines, get under the squat rack and lift some big girl weights! And if you clam up instead of talking about your body image issues, start yammering away.
Now I’m not advocating you bare your soul on a blog like I did – honestly, it’s not for the faint of heart…but if you’re so inclined – do it! I am however encouraging you to openly talk with people you trust about the yucks, ughs and blehs you feel about your body. The quieter we are about these issues the more power the have over us. The more stifled our issues are the more they fester inside us and stop us from having the bodies and health we really want.
It’s like telling a little kid there’s no monster behind their closet door. Tell them all you want, but letting them leave the closet door open and turn on a little nightlight helps them see the closet door isn’t so scary. It’s time we shine a little light on our issues and institute an open door policy.
Sound simple? Well in theory it is, but how many times have you been totally open with someone else about what you see when you look in the mirror? And why not? Because being that vulnerable is very uncomfortable! And very scary – I mean, what will people think?
Stretching out of your comfort zone and being very honest about your body image struggles will allow you to break their hold on you, help you get support and realize that much of it is just nonsense – real feelings, but nonsense just the same. And you know what else? It will allow the person you share with to do the same, freeing both of you up to move past the body image demons in your head.
For me, sharing my story and struggle has helped me move past much of my own BS – because I’ve been forced to deal with it. There is no hiding on the internet. Having to take an honest look at who we are and what we really think is scary, but it’s the only way to stop a nagging issue from simmering in your mind, quietly sabotaging your efforts in a moment of weakness and keeping you always reaching for a body you’re comfortable in.
Set a goal that stretches you, one that you wonder if you can complete. There’s been many a day during this project when I didn’t think I could find the time to write, didn’t know what talk about, wondered if it was worth it, and worried that I’d said too much already. It stretched me to my limits and then past them. Moving past my comfortable limitations where the crazy just stayed safely in my head, laid it all on the table where I was forced to take a very honest look. Only when it’s all laid before you can you see what you’re dealing with and clean up the mess.
So stretch! Do something you don’t think you can, be unreasonable and be open.
Day 12 – I Am Inspired To Accept The Things I Cannot (& Can) Change
There is a lot about ourselves that we can change – our weight, body fat percentage and to some extent our shape. But there are some things we simply can’t change – no matter how much we try. I will never be taller and I’ll never have longer legs. I will always have a round Eastern European looking face. I will always have blue eyes and brown hair (ok, I could probably change those two with a good dye job and some fake contacts, but you get the idea…). And I can’t change my curvy shape, even at my leanest – I will have round hips.
Regardless though of what we are aiming to transform and what we are stuck with, the first step in having the body we really, really want is acceptance. We need to accept the imperfections, the parts that are too big or too small, the things that are too round or too flat – all of it. The stuff we are working to make different and the stuff that barring plastic surgery, will stay the same. We need to accept the good stuff too – the little parts about us that we do love and that make us unique.
Accepting ourselves – flaw and all – is freeing, and it’s honest. It doesn’t allow us to hide from anything and it doesn’t allow us to be scared of anything. It’s all jus there, waiting for you to love it. Yes, even the bad parts need love too. It’s the only way to make them our friend, our partner in transformation – rather than the enemy. If we come at our parts that need improvement having already accepted them, change is possible. If we don’t, we are constantly generating nasty, negative feelings which do not help us reach our goals.
I’ve realized lately that the body parts I’m not satisfied with are the parts that I obsess about and at the same time ignore. If you’ve been following this blog you know the body part that bums me out is, well, my bum.
It’s the thing that gives me the most angst when I have buy new jeans and it’s the body part I always feel like I need to work on. My bum, or more appropriately my gluts, are also the most ignored part of my musculature. Despite their size, they are weak. I compensate with my hamstrings, low back and hip flexors – letting my gluts totally off the hook. It’s almost like there’s no neurological energy left to fire the damn things cuz I’ve used it all up hating their shape.
Perhaps it’s time to send them a little more love. Or at least stop the constant negative input.
Booty, I love and accept you…just the way you are.
I’m not going to stop working on them. I’m still eating for fat loss and doing my physical therapy, targeting my workouts for glut and quad strength, trying to walk with better form (even when just running around town) and of course, stretching my ridiculously tight hamstrings by doing yoga. But instead of looking in the mirror and feeling dread or reaching down and feeling the roundness of my hips, I’m gonna try sending my bum a better message. Perhaps now we can stop fighting and be on the same team.
There’s inevitably stuff we want to change about ourselves and our body, but whether the first step in change is getting a really honest look at the stuff we aren’t happy with and accepting it, too big or not, flaws and all. Negativity doesn’t melt fat away, if anything it perpetuates the disappointment, upset and downright digust for those parts we just want to change.
Booty, we’re in it together now…I promise to be nicer.
Day 13 – I Am Inspired By All The Ways I Do Measure Up
The weight loss game is all about measurements. How much we weigh, our body fat percentage, our hip to waist ratio, and on and on. Fitness acknowledges some other measurements as well, like how much we can deadlift, how many pushups or pull-ups we can do, and how fast we can run. If you’ve ever tried to workout more and eat better to shed a few pounds, you’ve probably charted and tracked many of these measurements – but let’s be honest, they don’t all have the same value.
Think of the last time you really rocked at the gym – you could squat more than the guy who was on the rack before you or you felt the sheer glory of your first pull up. How about when you realized your sprint went from 8.0 on the treadmill to 10.5? You felt great right? You probably even felt great as you were leaving the gym, maybe even for an hour or so afterwards. These are all accomplishments of mine this past year, but their joy was shortlived.
Now think about the last time you stepped on the scale and it had nudged up a pound of two. How about when you put on your favorite pants that looked perfect a month ago, but now feel a little tight through the thighs. You feel terrible. You feel terrible an hour later…and sometimes you feel terrible even days later. These have all happened to me as well this year, and I’m still ticked off.
Why do some measurements mean more than others? How can a perfect pushup give us a high that lasts an hour but a number on the scale can devastate us for a week?
The truth is we’ve assigned these relative values and significance. We’ve made the scale mean more. We’ve assigned a high significance to a tight pair of pants and we’ve devalued being strong, fast and able. I wish I knew why we’ve made it so, but I don’t – I just I know it’s ruined many a day for me.
I’ve been feeling great and had a photo of myself knock me down several pegs. I’ve been thinking I was really making progress only to step on the scale and: nada. I’ve been in my best shape ever and still got criticized. I intellectually know the value in being strong and fit, but like most everyone else, I place a high value on how my body looks.
Like most of you, I’m a mixed bag: I feel good when I eat well and I like that I am one of the strongest women at my gym, but I also feel bad when my stomach doesn’t feel flat or my face looks puffy. I have had a step on the scale ruin my day and I’ve had a glimpse in the mirror deflate my confidence….and most of those last longer than the brief glow I get from a great day at the gym.
I’m not saying how we look doesn’t matter – it does. We all have a clothes size, a weight or a body fat percentage that we feel great at – and this is probably where we should be to live healthy and happy. But weighing X number of pounds doesn’t have to rate a 10 while our other strengths come in around a 2 – we can set the values wherever we want, it just takes a little recalibrating. And no matter what the integer, we shouldn’t let a number zap our happiness.
Pay attention to how you feel after a weight loss disappointment like plateau or worse a weight gain. If it feels somewhere on a scale of disappointing to devastating, stop and take note of some of the good stuff about your body. We need to remind ourselves that there is more to do at the gym than lose weight – we are crafting a healthy body and mind, and that’s worth a hell of a lot.
Day 11 – I Am Inspired To Get Good
Watching anyone do anything that they excel at is amazing. Think of watching an athlete at the top of their game – everything they do is skillful, graceful, even artful. Think of listening to someone speak of something they are passionate about – they sound insightful, heartfelt, wise and purposed.
Think of a woman comfortable in her own skin – she is poised, beautiful, confident and calm.
Anyone who’s ever mastered anything will tell you they got there because they had heart and they practiced. They wanted it badly enough that they felt inspired, determined and mindful about it every day. They scarified for it. They couldn’t imagine living without out it. They worked on perfecting it every day.
I get to live with someone that loves something that much. Joe loves comedy more than anything – except maybe me (although I’m sure my lead is a narrow one, haha). He loves listening to it, writing it and performing it. He will give up income, sleep and privacy for the opportunity to tell a great, honest, well written joke on stage. It is his passion so he pours his heart into it. Joe strives everyday to be good at comedy.
And it’s no different if we are trying to make people laugh, shoot 3 pointers or have a good self image – it just takes practice and it takes heart. We need to do our exercises, get coached and work hard to feel good everyday about ourselves, because sadly after years of disappointments, mean spirited comments and failed attempts at this or that we’ve ended up feeling bad. But we can get good at feeling good if we just keep practicing.
Today I am at day 36 of writing daily about my own struggles to feel good about myself and my body. It’s been a daily exercise to slow down, take notice and be good to myself. Writing everyday has been my exercise. It’s strengthened my feel good muscle if you will. Spending an hour each day getting my head right, facing up to a painful memory, transforming a negative thought, reflecting, understanding and paying attention to myself has been a lesson in self love and self acceptance.
Over the past month and a half I have become more skillful at appreciating and loving my body, but I’m not yet a master. If being completely in love with my body and myself is my Olympics, I’ve got still some training to do. I do know that without a doubt, it’s worth all the hard work.
Since November 1, when I started this blog project, I’ve had a lot of travel, my practice continues to grow, my patient’s cases have become increasingly complex and I’ve been asked to write for various other outlets beyond my blog, meaning hours of writing each day. Despite all of that, I’ve found the time each day to reflect and share. It’s been part of my training, part of expanding my skill set and part of mastering the art of self love.
I am aiming to get very good at feeling good about this body I call home. I want to be an expert at taking good care of myself physically and mentally. I want to be the world’s greatest at feeling good about Brooke. That takes practice, dedication and hard work. I can honestly say looking back at November first, it was all worth it.
I encourage all of you to put in the time each day to learn how to be better to yourself – it’s well worth getting good at. Put in the time, get coached on how to do it better (reading this blog is a good start) and pour your heart into it.
Joe, his sister Megan and his dad Gary. They are an inspiration to me to keep trying to be very good at what I do, to be honest and to be myself.
Joe’s dad is also a comedian and Megan is a singer/songwriter. Listen to one of my favorite of her songs here, with one of the best lyrics ever: I’ll never waste time being someone I’m not. I’m livin’ this one life cuz one’s all that I’ve got.
Very inspiring, very honest, and very good advice.
